Love is a game.

ON monday ...

2006-06-08T01:28:08Z

on monday i move up as a senior!!!!
ive waited so fucking longggggg. hahhaa.
im so excited. ive been doing WICKED good in school too. finally.
i wish iwas this motivated the rest of my highschool career. bah.

im having a good time with my life right now.
almost summer and my grades skyrocketed!

not with eddie anymore.
dunno what you want me to say. but i dont give a fuck cos its my life. hah.

but im happpppy. schools out in a week, and i think i made high honor role!@!#@$#%

BEAT THAT.

my thoughts.

2006-04-11T00:21:18Z

one event can change your entire life.
from the way you look at someone to the group of friends youre with.

i dont really know why im thinking about this. well i do but its weird.

ive been missing the past alot lately. the friends i use to have. the fun and endless laughing.
my pharmies. i love you girls. and i miss that fucking time tremendisly.

i miss last year. not that this year is horrible or anything. not that at all...but things are just different. people move on, friends change, people leave your life.

" we want to live for tomorrow but can only think of yesterday "
- thats the problem with life.

if things didnt/hadnt changed i wonder what my life would be like today.

ugh.

2006-04-07T03:12:21Z

annoyed.

but ive been hanging out with mattys & jer lately...
its been wicked fuun!!!!

i love being there!!
im going there tomorrow, and its gonna be fuuuunnnnnnnn/funfunfun.

kkbye.

baby

2006-03-27T04:28:31Z

i <3himmmmmmmmm.

fukc you.

2006-03-27T02:25:15Z

im so tired of hearing that people are talking shit about me.
seriously, its to the point where i cant take it anymore.
esp the fact that no one will tell me whose doing the shit talking.

youre all a bunch of faggot ass fuckin pussies.
and i guess i just dont like anyone anymore. if thats how its gonna be then itll be like that.
so untill someone tells me who the fuck is talking shit im not talking to anyone.

have fun. bye.

um.

2006-03-25T19:00:02Z

i only got ot hang out iwth eddie once this entire week. well today will be twice.
its weird going from every day to twice a week.
but itll change, cos im not grounded or wahtever anymore.

tomorrow is our one month ahahhaha.
its gone by so fast. i love it.
i love him. i doooooo.

shit at my house is annoying.
my little sister is awlays complaining or trying to boss my mom around which pisses her off and makes her yell which annoys the fuck out of me. and so on.

ill get over it.
but i get to be with eddie today and im happy as shit.

gneh.

2006-03-19T20:06:17Z

i hate how someone else's desicions affect my life.
i hate how i havent done one thing wrong and i get blamed.
i hate how people dont look at themselves for their kids problems but at me.
i hate how someones mom told my mom im into so many different types of drugs.

i hate that i cant go to utica for a week, because of someone else.
i hate that i cant see eddie.

i hate that i ever had to come home.
my homes not a bad place at all. its friendly and easy going.
but theres nothing here for me.
i sit online all day and waste my life away.
id rather be out with eddie.

im sad and bored and i dont feel good.

this week.

2006-03-05T22:45:27Z

was amazing.

spent every single day at eddies. besides last monday.
this weekend was the best.
so much fun with everyoneee!!!!!!!%%$%&

from albies to the party at Hamilton College.
so much fun. <3!

eddie, i want you to know i loved staying up the entire night till past wehn the sun came up talking. it means alot that you can tell me stuff....and its easy for me to talk to you. <3 <3 <3

dfjsdlkfjskldjfkl AH!.

fuck.

2006-02-26T08:01:21Z

bye bye dj.
apparently i try on purpose to pick fights with him.
and im always miserable or mad. yeah. of course. thats ME.
me in fucking 6th god damn grade.

im pissed. was upset, now im just pissed.
like is this a fucking joke?! who are you.
obviously i didnt know you like i thought. AT ALL.

liah.

breaks over. it sucked fucking ass. besides a couple nights.
like the night steph,eddie,aaron,greg,jay, and i stayed up and the boys did prank calls.
that was funny as fuck. cuddled next to eddie. fun. haha. and steph. even more fun. HAHAH.

i dont wanna go back to school.
in 24 hours ill be passed out dreading the wakeup 3 hours later. ewwwwww.

im done. just thought id let ya konw whats up.

gneh.

2006-02-23T03:12:28Z

my jaw hurts from surgery.
im all out of medicine. NO MORE PAIN KILLERS.
fucking sucks so bad. can't even tell yeh.

i feel sick to my stomach. and lately i cannot sleep.
i cant wait for my life to be back to normal.

ugh

2006-02-20T05:36:20Z

i like this boy. so fucking much.
who else do i talk to for more than 5 minutes on the phone.
NO ONE. but i talk to him for over 100. because im in like. and its fucking so amazing ot be happy again.

we have our ups and downs. but when we're on we're reallly fucking on haha. and i like him.
<3

b;lah

2006-02-18T07:26:14Z

wisdom teeth surgery this morning.
i cant fucking sleep now. it hurts. my jaws all right and doesnt wanna open. im sad.

i miss dj. i like him.
alot. so much more than i ever thought i would. we've ebeen talking for one month and 18 days. hahah im such a fucking queer.

school sucks. i dont even want to deal with spanish anymore.
things at home seem to be better. im not so stressed now. since surg is over and whatnot.
now i just gotta suck it up and be tough.

i hope i get to see Dj and alicia and toradam and billy and mikey (greylines!) all next saturday.
id be so fuckin happy. i probably would smile the entire time. not a joke or anthing.

my throat hurts right now.
my stiches are too long i keep bitting on them.
i dont remember much from earlier haha cept my mom was bawling when i got out of surgery. i love her. alot.

iwish i lived with her my entire life and not just for the past year. im so glad im getting to know her and we're gettin so much closer. i love her. <3 shes more than a mom to me. shes one of my best fucking friends.

stressed.

2006-02-08T23:02:45Z

...so much shiit adding up.

. fishys dying.
. my mom and step dad constantly fighting.
( they wonder why im never home now )
i cant go through the same thing twice. it hurts too fucking much.
. spanish is just overwhelming.
. dj is so far away. and im a cunt. and ugh.
. then just a bunch of little things either people say or do.
. teeth surgery in 12 days. im so nervous. i have bad anxiety.
. the fact i have to miss winterbreak and shitt.
. being confused about what i want to do after school. not sure anymore.
. getting good grades.

i could go on and on but honestly who cares.

jkfjldkfjdlksjflk

2006-02-06T01:41:47Z

"you know that i love you.
but i love myself too much to care.
you know that i love you."

i want to be your friend mike.
i want to be close. i want you to come to me when you need someones help.
i want you to trust in me. i want to be able to trust in you.
we;ve tried and tired for things to work.
it just wont ever okay.

"over the sky you wrote your love for me.
all of the stars are a present from you to me.
LOST IN A ROMANCE."
- i cant wait for summer so i can just be around you constantly.
my hearts starting to grow fond of you.
i will not push you away anymore. i want this.
you want this. we want this. <3

fjdlf;sjdkfjdflk;sdfjsdfl kjdfj sldkfjksldjfkdsfjs

A GREAT ROMANCE .
but instead of a tree you carved the name on your wrist.
while others may pledge a undying devotion.
instead you show your love for me.

God.

2006-02-01T05:23:47Z

spill canvas show and hit the lights were amazing. beyond amazing.

im sick as shiit. i cant even talk my throat hurts so bad.
sitting at my dads im not gonna go to school tomorrow idont care. im sick.

well today is feb 1, 2006.
my grandpa died feb 2. i always get depressed and upset around this time.
it sucks, i dnot even CARE who im mean to. everything just seems 2049 x's worse than it is.
i fuckin loved that man to death .. most amazig person ever. i fucking cry all the time by myself. which is ALL THE TIME.

dj im sorry ive been a bitch please forgive me i dont want to LOSE YOU. ever.
this shiit sucks. FUCKINNNNNG A.

DJ!

2006-01-08T23:41:34Z

came to hang out with me yesterday/last night.
it was wonderful, i mean as wonderful as it gets in hamilton haha.

i am happy. for real.....reallly happy.

<3

DIALED.

2006-01-04T06:52:32Z

- you wouldnt understand haha.

bUT YOUUUUUUUUUUU YOU YOU YOU YOU YOU.
wtffff boy. i cant stand it my face hurts hha <3

you make me stay up WAY past my bedtime. more than 2 hours past. but its okay.
because i know when im tired and my face hurts tomorrow its cos im fainlly being HAPPY haha.

blah. hwo knowsss where dish is goin bt m happy.
<3 chat chat chat chat .im chattttingg bye.

oh my.

2006-01-03T12:16:59Z

so new years evening dani and i were on our way to hamilton from cuse.
and we almost died.she says no we didnt, but it was thee closest thing to it for me.
it was so scary, the roads were horrible and we slid into the middle and couldntstop and a car was coming at us and they slid away from us and then it was okay. but scared the life out of me for a couple hours .

then dani really did crash the next day. right after she dropped me off. i hope youz okay mami, i love you babii. alot.

it was scary waking up seeing a message that that had happened. im so sorry.

christmas break was so much fun thanks to dani.
i was in utica the entire time like the old days. i dk if anyone really likes me around there haha but i had alot of fun so thanks to everyone who hung out.
(DANI,petey,pete,bmill,justine,brian,dale,allison,eddie,keith,paul,jenna,cassidy,nate,and more im sorry.)

also i got to see mah BOIZZZZZz. hahah. ( DJ,Justin,Pete,Adam,caleb ) and katelyn and Tia. <3

i hung out at mattys a couple days. really fun. New years was a blast!
(matty,tyler,tits,timmyzuch,brockway,grid,olsen,kayla,)

god i had fun. alot of fun. and now lizzys home too <3!!! so whateverrrrrr.
i have my life back and im happy about it.

nomore hermit for me mang. <3

lies lies lies.

2005-12-25T02:17:49Z

All you do is lie. and its the ONE thing ive asked you not to do to me.

mike PLEASE STOP IT. its fucking Christmas for crying out loud.
i know im always asking for you back. and i honestly dont know why. cos everytime you hurt me, then i leave you. then i miss you and hanging out and i come back. i hate it.

but i cant stop it. so pleaes just stop lying to me. please. i cant bare it anymore.
everytime i find out you lie to me and then i ask you you lie AGAIN. and it hurts. alot.

so MERRY FUCKIN CHRISTMAS ASSHOLE. i hope you know i love the shit out of you, and you hurt me alot.

whatever.

2005-12-21T21:15:37Z

i wrote yesterday but whatever.

Brandi is really funny. she said shed kick my ass and could,but the bitch wont even look at me in school.
i hate the seniors. i hate how they think theyre cool just cos theyre seniors. WELL MAX/GREG/MEG/BRANDI/SARH/ THE REST...youre still just yourself. snotty ass bitches whom NO ONE LIKES. so im sorry . i wont give u respect and i will talk back haha. GET USE TO IT.

4 days till christms. as u all know .ihope.

my dogs sick. and its really sad. hes just lays around now and does nothing. its really sad.

liz leaves for christmas break on friday. shes going to maine.
idk who to hang out with...ingalls comes back to visit but idk if those girls really even like me anymore. theyre all still nice and shit, just idk. dont seem to care if they see me or not IDK.

ill probley go to ofalls or something. whats new.the people piss me off there SO BAD htough. ugh.
they all lie so bad. i hate it.

all my entries are always LONG AS FUCK. im sorry.
i miss everyone from around the utica area. so get ahold of me for break.

oh boi.

2005-12-21T00:22:14Z

idk what to even write. hahaha.
boys are lame. im pretty sure i hate most.

i got to hang out with JEREMYYYY!!!! the other day. i missed my BOY BFF.

christmas is really soon. im pretty excited.
im not really getting much cos i didnt know what i wanted.
and i still dont. besides a cellphone but i didnt ask my mom cos im dumb.

im learning theyre arent many people you can trust.
but then again there are a few you can trust with your life.
theyre amazing.

i have this journal i keep at school to write in when i get wicked pissed off so i dont hit someone.
yahhhhh i need anger managment DO SUHIN .

I CANT STAND CERTAIN PEOPLE: BRANDI, SAM COLEMAN, MEG FATASS H, MAX Johns, GREG JEWY WALD, JEROME,

i dont know its not THAT big of a list, but im sure if i thought hard enough i could write some more. HAHaha.

idkkk though , im pretty dope now. as in HAPPY. yah.

:-*

mm.

2005-12-10T15:03:03Z

some things never change.
like boys and how dumb they are and how tehy cant see a good thing when they got it.

last night was weird.
everyone wanted to go to tim and mattys but i cant go there. itd be wicked fucked up and unneccesairy .
we didnt go cos i hope cos they realized they cant put me in that position..i hated it. worst feeling.
ewwwwwwwwww. ew ew ew ew ew. brought up shit i didnt wanna remember. whatever.

i miss justine FRUHJETUH. alot. last winter she was mah gf. and now i dont see her. EVER.

ANYWAYS. todays my brithday. i doubt im doing anything. but im 17. w00t. wah.

happy birthday to me. cuntz.

<3

2005-11-29T02:17:02Z

joSH!

please read.

2005-10-19T00:29:20Z

im tired of caring what people in this town think of me.
im tired of trying to be good enough for certain parents.
im tired of being called names by parents and not allowed to see my friends.

BUT I CANT CARE ANYMORE.

stop trying to take my family "down"
and stop ruining my friends lives.

take it all out on me not them. i will take it all. YEAH I SMOKE POT. YEAH I DRINK.
FUCKING DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT..OR GET OVER it.

all your kids do it. and im sorry that im set with who i am and im sorry that im not a fake fuck like your kids.

i would do anything to have my families name cleared. even if that means everyone in the world disliking me..because i am an amazing person and no im not full of myself. i see the world at all angles, and i think from others perspectives. its just some people are so fucked up and would do anything just so they look good.

but im TELLING you i smoke. im telling you im not perfect, but at least im happy. and at least i know what its like to live. and at least im not embarassed of who i am. and i dont have to hide my life.

SO IM SORRY IF IM NOT GOOD ENOUGH TO BE FRIENDS WITH YOUR KIDS AND IM SORRY IF I DONT MEET YOUR STANDARDS.
but this is me and its the best i can do...

so try to take my family down, try to ruin my life, try to rid me of friends. do it. becase frankly i dont care anymore. im so tired of trying. and im not giving up. IM JUST BEING MYSELF AND NOT GIVING A SHIT ABOUT WHAT THEY THINK ANYMORE.

try it just try it. because i wont stop fighting for what i belive in and i wont stop fighting for my family. so this will last a long time. i will bring this as far as it has to go. im not a person to ever give up. NEVER EVER. and soon enough you;ll learn that. the hard way obviously.

miserable

2005-10-14T11:08:41Z

school...is making me so miserable.

just when im finally getting over the drama of what happened this summer and court and all that, something else has to happen.

but im proud of myself and my little brother. cos most people in our situation wouldve bent and buckled in and gave up. but my dad taught us since we were little to stand up for ourselves no matter what. and so we did.

maybe we almost got suspended and refused to go to classes for 2 hours but if thats what you gotta do then you gotta. and maybe i told my principal to peace the fuck out. and maybe i stuck my hand in the superintendants face and said dont you ever fucking touch me. and maybe i swung a door open on him. and MAYBE THAT MAKES ME PROUD TO BE ME.

and pretty much i love my brother. eeven if he is a bully, you mother fuckers deserve to be bullied you rich peices of shit. youre all a bunch of assholes and friendship and loyalty dont mean shit to you.

but im going to finish school here so i can just look at everyone and still have my pride, and i konw itll feel so good to be like hey look at me, i didnt break these whole 13 years at this fucking school, and i hope you know i fucking HATE YOu. every single one of you. then smile an walk offs tage with my diploma.

so i guess in a way im NOT miserable, but i just feel completely empty sometimes and im really not happy. im happy for myself but i myself am not happy??you know.
peace the fuck outtttt.